The Abyss.

The Abyss.

This is my personal
Event Horizon
standing at the edge
looking down into the Abyss
A young Mother
holds up her child
her face an anguished plea for help
slipping back and disappearing
within a singular convergence
of myriad images

As much as I want to
I know that following her
will not help her
I stretch out my arms
and lean forward

It's a bracing Spring morning
and I'm walking a dog
the dog seems to know where it's going
we come to a house
I put my hand in my pocket
take out a key and open the door
the dog bounds along the hall
I follow it into the kitchen
A young woman is standing at the cooker
she is making breakfast
I put my hands around her waist
and kiss her on the neck

I'm sitting on a chair
in a large stark room
a man is sitting on a chair facing me
he is writing into a folder on his lap
He stares at me for an age
as though he is staring through me
then he says "Are you going to talk today?"
he then looks down and continues writing

I'm sitting propped up in bed
an old man is in a bed facing me
he is eating bread and soup
I have to look away
A woman walks up to my bed
with one hand she is carrying a chair
and in her other hand she has a book
She sits down and begins to read to me
her voice has a kindness about it
and I'm glad to listen to her
She gets to these lines
"Whose woods these are I think I know
his house is in the village though"
and I hear someone screaming
screaming and screaming
people are fussing around my bed
for a moment I think it is me.

I'm sitting on a bench in a large garden
it's much too tidy for me
everything is in order and in it's place
the grass is institutionally cropped
I like the tall grass
I like to see the tall grass in the Summer
untouched except by the earth and the sun
by the breeze and by the rain.
A man walks up to me he is leading a dog
the dog is all over me
jumping on me and licking me
I become agitated and push it away
A family spread out a blanket in front of me
and sit down to have a picnic
they ask me to join them
they give me food and a cup of tea
and then they want to play a game
they will all tell me their names
and then it will be my turn to tell them my name
As I watch them drive away
I wonder if I will ever see them again

I'm sitting on a chair looking down at my feet
I have my walking boots on they are covered in mud
I hear someone saying "Are you going to talk today"
I look up the room is full of people hundreds of people
every face is fixed on me many of them grotesque
I realize this is my one chance
jump up from the chair and leap over then
landing in a heap in an open circle in the midst of them
Sitting beside me on the floor
is the young woman and her child

I put my arms around them and say
"I have found you I have come to you"
The young woman says to me
"You have not come to me but I have come to you
to appeal to you to unburden your heart
you are not God to bear such a weight of grief
lay down your burden at His feet
and find comfort for your soul
God is not God of the dead but God of the living
God is life and all are alive to Him
Awaken to this truth
find trust in this assurance of hope"

I open my eyes
a nurse is standing at the foot of my bed
She is reading my chart
I sit up and say to her
"Could you tell the doctor I'm going to talk today"
She looks startled and hurries away

I get up and walk around the ward
some of the people look very ill
I go over to the window and look out
it's snowing.